followup

[egypturnash]

Thanks a lot for all the support on the last entry, folks. From those who already knew, and were applauding my outness, and from those who didn't, and are quite unperturbed. The mass of comments makes me reluctant to even begin to try to reply individually to everyone, so — thank you! very much! ♥♥♥♥

If you're curious about the process, the journey, the effects, and so on, feel free to ask in comments here. I seem to have passed the point where it's something I have to inflict updates upon my friendstalk about, but I know it's still strange and complex to people who haven't been eyeing it sidelong for a decade or two!

And now, a return to the exciting daily life of a pink-haired dickgirl. n.n

Went to Spümcø, picked up a check. Browsed video game stores on the way home. I've been teasing myself with the thought of picking up R-Type Final, but didn't; while blasting off to strike against the Bydo Empire! for the last time ever!* has a definite appeal, my cashflow is such that thirty bucks is a little past my threshold. On the one hand it might come down, but on the other hand shootemups are never made in large quantities any more. Ikaruga and Bangai-o were both on the shelves for a while, but you never know. In fact, while I was browsing the used Gamecube stuff at Planet X, the lone copy of Final they had vanished from the shelf, into someone else's hands. There's one at the smaller shop nearby, and there's always special-ordering, too.

Ape Escape 2 for twenty bucks, however... Squee! That solved the price/pleasure equation nicely. I loved the original Ape Escape, and have replayed it a few times. So far it's much like the first, though it re-introduces the original ape-catching gadgets a lot faster.

* assuming that "Final" means the same thing to the Japanese developers at Irem that it does to us native English speakers. I mean, how many Final Fantasies have there been now?

Comments

[octantis.livejournal.com]

For what it's worth, I believe R-Type Final to be worth the whole thirty bucks. Excellent R-Type, even if it does feel kind of short. It's beautiful, there's a whole bunch of different ships to try, and it's got a truely vicious difficulty factor. (Which may or may not be a good thing, though I suspect if you've always loved R-Type, you'll think that's good.)

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

Funny, the reviews I was looking at mostly said it was too easy. Maybe they just lucked into the short paths through the levels or something... or used the cheats too readily - deadlines, you know.

I'll probably try and grab it next time I have a little discretionary income.

[octantis.livejournal.com]

I dunno. Some elements of the game could be considered easier. One thing that's slightly easier than before is that you don't die if you happen to touch a plain wall anymore. That's a little misleading, though... there are some bosses that are enormous enough to be considered part of the level themselves, and if you touch any part of them, you're hosed.

Everything still throws a pretty disgusting amount of ordinance at you, and you DO need to possess the mystical ability of Bullet-Zen to survive. The reviewers mentioned might have been playing one of the lower difficulty settings, and there are two settings higher than 'average'. (Which is still pretty mean.)

There are also a couple alternate endings which involve hidden stages... one of which does not allow you to die during the whole stage. I haven't tried either of them yet.

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

My bullet-zen is only so-so. But I've always considered R-Type to mostly be a game of Force-control. Knowing that here you have to have for Force in the front, here in the back, here free-floating... that you should skip this power-up... and being able to rapidly, and accurately get the Force where it needs to be, and when. Especially in Delta, where 'dose' was added!

[octantis.livejournal.com]

Force management and powerup choice is still definately critical. Some stages, you have to have a balancing act between bullet-zen and getting your Force where it needs to be, or defending the correct side. With the introduction of a bunch of new ships, you also have to consider how your Force is going to behave, as there are a lot of different types. For example, the Tentacle Force has two arms that direct beams. If you move forward, the arms spread out and fire a wide-angle beam. If you move backwards, the arms draw in and focus the beam forward. Detached, it fights independantly of you, moving from place to place on its own and choosing what to shoot at. There's twelve different Forces, I think.

Dose exists in this incarnation too, that might be one of the factors making things a little easier. It doesn't do any significant damage to bosses or enemies with any real staying power, but it will clear bullet-clouds away, and give you a few seconds to breathe.

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

I got the impression you could potentially waste days trying out different ship/Force combinations. I know the Tentacle Force was in Delta, I'm kinda scared to think how weird some of the Forces new to Final must be. Huh. Wonder if they have the weird not-Force Force from Leo... I know I used to have a Proper Track through level 1 of Delta, that would give me full Dose when it was most handy. Ah, the joys of wasting hours blowing shit up.

[zrath.livejournal.com]

Pirate Kzin loves to play RRRRRRRR*Type, arrrrrrrr!!!

[octantis.livejournal.com]

Oh, and I think Final really is final, in this case. :/ At least, for the forseeable future. It's not like Final itself didn't come barrelling out of nowhere.

And before I forget, there is a level in Final that has the screen swimming around and distorted... that nudges the difficulty needle away from fun and more toward aggravating, but fortunately it's just the one stage.

[goforthbyday.livejournal.com]

i don't really have any questions, since i realized it a while back. i don't know if you're interested, but i regularly Cora's articles on BME (http://www.bmezine.com/news/shapeshift-all.html), about her journey to become as close to female as she can.

as a human being, you seem much happier in general than Cora (but I think Cora has sever bipolar disorder, maybe, I'm not sure), and sometimes reading Cora's journal entries make me sad because they can be really pessimistic. But then seeing her becoming what she always wanted to be makes me happy. So it's a weird moodswing thing, when I read her articles.

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

*nod* I've been following Cora's articles ever since oCe pointed them out to me. It's interesting to see another viewpoint that's definitely from another smart, geeky MtF who's not neccesarily interested in being a girly-girl; a lot of MtF stories I've read are by authors who want desperately to be all pink and frilly. Not that there's not a time and place for that, but I wanna go out and be a mean bitch sometimes, too!

And... yeah. Cora's life sounds a lot more chaotic than mine. Me, I was mostly just depressed. Still am, but less so now that the gender dysphoria's lifting. I think she went a lot deeper into her self-hate...

[gealflings.livejournal.com]

I was just reading the interview with Cora's mother and applauding her for being so open-minded (once the initial shock wore off) and wondering how I would handle it if it were one of my boys. I honestly don't know. Anyone else, more power to ya. I'd hope that with my own kids I can have that sort of attitude, but I'm sure I'd be an ass for a little bit, at least in my own head.

[neillparatzo.livejournal.com]

I only ever played R-Type Final long enough to test the burn. I should really seriously try it someday. (My version is like, the Korean one, but that never matters for shooters.)

It did resemble R-Type 3 more than R-Type Delta in the 5 minutes I played it, but that's probably a good thing.

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

I'm not aure I ever played 3. Was that console-only? I've played 1 and 2, in the arcades and emulated (and the not-bad c64 port of 1), and Delta.

[neillparatzo.livejournal.com]

SNES and GBA, looks like.

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

I think I tried playing the SNES version a little bit. I probably gave up because I can never get my controller to work with the emulators very well... the interface for talking to them changed between OS9 and OSX, and I think some projects Still haven't gotten it entirely straight. I got tired of hasslig with it a while ago... I should try looking at the state of SNES emulation on the Dreamcast.

[neillparatzo.livejournal.com]

Oh, the heartbreak of Mac ownership. ;)

[doodlesthegreat.livejournal.com]

"And now, a return to the exciting daily life of a pink-haired dickgirl."

That sounds like the plot of a soap opera at an ainme convention. %)

[kiala.livejournal.com]

Hey, I do broadcast media for a living. Don't give me ideas >=D

[doodlesthegreat.livejournal.com]

What the hell, it's gotta be a better idea for a show than "Whoopi."

[dv-girl.livejournal.com]

What!?!? I was looking forward to that still-position webcam that each day got a new photo of your breasts so that in a year or two we'd have stop motion of Peg's suddenly expanding boobage. *sniffle*

Well, okay, really I just wish I'd done that but hey, why let a good idea go to waste? :)

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

It's way too late for that. Seven months and I already fill out an A-cup quite handily. o.O

So there will be no slow stop-motion of my tits growing. I just hope they don't get too big.

[dv-girl.livejournal.com]

... Augh. Now I have mental images of Woody Allen's "Everything you ever wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask." O_O Mmm. Giant breasts rampaging the countryside...

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

You laugh, but my mother has warned me that hers grew fast. Ergh. I'm supposed to be a sleek, lizardy monster, damnit!

(Also, I just have to note that I find it really delightfully wrong to be having this exchange on the same entry I'm discussing the intimate details of the latest installment of a shoot-em-up video game. Yay for ignoring gender roles!)

[dv-girl.livejournal.com]

I wonder if any sushi bar has a 'gender role'... If so, I wonder what's in it. ^_^

Anyhow... Gender schmender. So long as yer happy that's what's important. :)

Ooooh!!!! So only a couple months eh? Then this will be your first summer. HEHEHEHE! They may seem small and cute now but come July when you're sitting on a bus with no air conditioning and there's a river of sweat cascading between them and they're slimey and itchy, and there's nothing you can do about it... Just remember... You did this to yourself. >:)

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

As summer flirts with LA, this has already happened. Gnyaaaah. If I'm lazy and go out without a bra, I can't run without supporting them, either. Ow!

[theolive.livejournal.com]

Gad, I'm a C-D cup...and how I envy you! I think A's are the epitome of elegance. : )

[turbinerocks.livejournal.com]

Tits and the Bydo empire. Two great tastes that go great together!

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

There's a drawing in that, I swear.

I don't know if I really want to try drawing the boss at the end of the original game's first level with hooters, or the R-9...

[pathia.livejournal.com]

I must reiterate my position that big boobs and slinky dragon monster thingies are not incompatible!

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

It's really hard to fit itnto a slinky sheath dress and smirk evilly through smoke and shadows when your tits are bigger than your head, though. n.n

[pathia.livejournal.com]

True, true. I'm more into clothing that.....stretches.

[ovon.livejournal.com]

Speaking of which.

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

o.o

Wow.

The last bit's interesting, too. Now I know why so many MtFs end up going to Thailand for the various surgeries... the culture's just more accepting of the idea. Cool.

[koogrr.livejournal.com]

Define too big. :)

I like them big, but then I'm kinda a shallow artist and don't have to carry them around. I hope you're happy with their final form.

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

I suspect that C-cups, definitely Ds, will be well into the realm of "oh my god what the hell was I thinking I don't want tits oh god please take them back". Hopefully they won't get that big. Big enough to definitely be there but not so big as to give me back problems... maybe a little smaller than that, that's what I hope for.

After all, how many of my online avatars have much in the way of tits? They're all skinny, small-breasted things. They're part of physical femininity but not the major feature for me.

*grin* I hope I end up happy with them too. I'm happy with them so far.

[holohedron.livejournal.com]

Hey, I'd never seen Kalindi, the snake-with-a-human-torso before. Tres' cute!

[radd.livejournal.com]

There's two pictures I have never seen before. I really need to check your Yerf archive more often.

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

Better to browse the Deviantart one right now. Yerf has all the content restrictions, and I don't draw anywhere near as many furries as I used to. I don't think thee's anything on Yerf that's not on VCL or DA.

DA is, however, puke-green.

[kiala.livejournal.com]

I think Chhaya just agreed to let me photograph her breasts whenever she gets around to transitioning. o_o

I love my SO.

[hydra-velsen.livejournal.com]

I'd known your real gender since I met you, and knew your given name just shortly after that. No big suprises there. You'll always just be Peggy to me, keeper of the navel rings!

I'm curious...

[goofygopher.livejournal.com]

Your "outing" is very inspiring. Thank you for being so brave. I'm sure you've affected many people's lives, not just mine.

I've been browsing Google lately, prompted by your entry, looking for photos of the effects of hormones on the male body. Obviously, I've never seen the effects first-hand, but am incredibly curious. Do you have any digital photos of the the process? Have you been documenting it? I understand if you don't want to post them, but I think I'm not the only one curious about the physical ramifications of hormone therapy.

P.S. I read online somewhere that "Ape Escape 3" is currently in development in Japan. Hopefully someone will publish it in the U.S., if the rumor proves true.

Re: I'm curious...

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

There was a part of me that wanted to document it, but the only camera I have is an old 35MM that I can barely remember how to load at this point, much less really use worth a damn. So the slow transformation will remain a bit of a mystery, until I start getting out and showing up in candid snapshots more often.

Unfortunately the URL I'd normally point to for covering this question is down. Effects vary a lot depending on age and the body's receptiveness; I'm not on any androgen (male hormone) blockers and I'm still changing a lot - I'm very lucky in this and I know it.

The most obvious physical effects are, of course, growing boobs. And depending on the choice of clothing, hips and ass as well. Hips you only get so much change, because the male pelvis is simply not as wide as the female. There's also general fat redistribution, and loss of muscle mass - there was a recent period when my weight was dropping almost worrisomely, despite no visual change, and it was dense muscle changing into less-dense stuff.

Oh, and then there's the genitals. My testes are much smaller (they were kinda on the big side before, I believe) and my penis has also shrunk. Plus arousal has changed; I think it's been months since I've had an orgasm, mostly for a lack of the screaming urge to do something. (Debatably TMI paragraph deleted. Ask if you really want gory details.)

Hormones do much of the changing. What's a more apt question is to ask what they don't do:

* They don't alter the voice, that's something that can really only be done by practice - the effects of vocal surgery are debatable, at best. (I believe they do alter it in the case of FtM transition, as the shift in usage during male puberty is hormonally-triggered - but it's a one-way change.)

* They don't greatly change the pattern of hair growth; I still have to shave, and want to start electrolysis as soon as my finances are more stable. I'm told that male-pattern baldness gets halted, but I wasn't experiencing this anyway.

* They don't change the skeleton. My frame is very androgynous, but as the flesh changes about it, it becomes more and more obvious which parts are shaped by the bone.

They do alter the mind. This is something I've been reminded of. I've changed a lot emotionally. Part of it is simply opening up and notmashing them all down as I finally acknowlege them; part of it is that they're more prominent, and more prone toust happen. I cry at the most inane things sometimes, and don't care.