filth

[egypturnash]

On a whim, I suggested that Ashy and I go out to eat tonight.

This was a mistake. Nearly everything was closed. Somehow, and I'm not sure exactly how, we ended up at McDonald's.

This was even more of a mistake. Because we purchased "hamburgers" there. I use the quotes because these were some of the nastiest excuses for food I've had in a long time... while I go to McDonald's every few months, usually I only buy fries. This time I bought a burger. And it was tasteless and foul.

It's been ages since I've had a burger there... and it will be many more before I repeat that mistake. I almost wish I knew reliable ways of inducing vomiting, rather than digest this wad-o-filth.


What the hell does the average American see in this foulness?

Gyah.

Things were slightly redeemed by the really creepy sculptures this particular McDonald's is decorated by - they're best described as taxidermied fellow customers. A little fat, they sit there behind plastic, pleased as punch to have far too much McDonald's food in front of them. We were amused by looking at them. But the feeling of the pseudo-meat sliding down out gullets left us feeling impossibly foul and abused...

[ Addendum: amongst the e-mail notifications of replies to this, what do I get? Spam! For diet pills! 'Eat pizza, watch TV ... AND LOSE 22 POUNDS!YSCXFAN' ]

Comments

[apoidea.livejournal.com]

Hell is a McDonalds in Iowa.

[prickvixen.livejournal.com]

But I bet everyone's really polite there.

[prickvixen.livejournal.com]

This is like food you would eat before committing suicide. Eat a Big'n'Tasty and go home and cut your arm with a knife. It was absolutely flavorless... just a mass of water and grease held together with cellulose and protein strands. I wanted to get some mescaline so we could go home and puke it up into the toilet. Nice statues, though... apparently you become embalmed if you eat nitrites every day of your life.

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

Having this big lump of foulness in my stomach makes me want to kill myself. Gah.

Married With Children is one of the new Gospels

[protocat.livejournal.com]

AL: Now, Peg, I know you think you're responsible for killing Jim. And yet you have no guilt of squashing the life out of me, but that's another meeting. Anyway, what I'm saying is; you didn't kill Jim. Good health killed Jim. See, he purified his body so completely, that when finally called on to do so, he couldn't handle the grease and sugar and toxic waste that we call food. He rendered himself extinct. See, healthy people are like dinosaurs. They're not fit to survive. Jim's body couldn't the burgers and bonbons and pastry suckin's like real Americans. Y'see, Peg, WE are the truly strong.

PEGGY: You really think so, Al?

AL: Absolutely. See that cockroach over there?

PEGGY: *points* That one?

AL: *pointing* No, that one. Well, any one of them. Yo don't see them carrying of a can of Wheat Germ, do you?

KELLY: Gurm, Dad.

AL: Thank you, Pumpkin. Anyhow, Peg, let's follow the example of our friend the cockroach. They were before man, they'll be here after man. You know why? They eat crap. And I say, if it's good enough for the cockroach, then it's good enough for my family!

PEGGY: Oh Al, you really do care!

AL: Yeah, darn right I do. And I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I'm hungry enough to block a colon! Grease burgers for everyone, on Dad! What do you say?

(This post is dedicated to our brother, The Mighty Cockroach. Let him show us the way.)

Why go to McDonalds...

[doodlesthegreat.livejournal.com]

...when Ptomaine Tommy's has better fries?

I had the same trouble last night. I didn't want to stay at home and get something, especially after the orgy of holiday eating from the past weeks. So after driving around with no particular goal in mind, I ended up at Tommy's. And I got lucky, since right after I ordered and got my lard the place became packed. People from all levels of the economic and cultural spectrum. And every one of us with the same look on our face: "It sucks, but at least it's not McDonalds..."

Re: Why go to McDonalds...

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

There is nothing in the way of Burger Joints in walking distance of my home, save for McDonald's, and, across the street from it, Burger King. Meanwhile, in the commercial areas of Burbank, the next LA-unit over, there is both In-N-Out and Fatburger. Feh.

Re: Why go to McDonalds...

[riose.livejournal.com]

And if you're ever in Davis (just north of the bay area), there is MURDER BURGER... 'Burgers to die for!' Their shakes are rather awesome, as well.

http://sacramento.citysearch.com/profile/1207989/

[laturner.livejournal.com]

I gave up on their burgers a long time ago, but I still liked the chicken nuggets. Until the last time I ordered them, and found a piece of chicken tendon in one... that was enough to turn me off them for life. I mean, I knew it was "near chicken", but I don't want to see which parts!