on the raising of children

[egypturnash]

Let me get this straight at the beginning: Children are not something I have any plans for. I have enough trouble raising myself nowadays.

My mother had sent me an Interesting Link (she does this) bemoaning the current quality of kid's books - the ones that people push kids to read, the claim went, are all really horrible, because they have a teaching agenda. And this goes back to Dr. Seuss. Or maybe he just got hauled in because, it seems, the Cat in the Hat has become a bit of a shill for get-kids-to-read-but-oh-no-not-that-trash programs.

Which I think is bullshit - Seuss wrote his stuff under constraints for Young Minds Just Learning to Read, it's true, but he was pretty anarchistic. Play around with words, think for yourself some, imagine, be creative.

My thought, which I told her in an email back, is that it's more of a symptom of the way it seems people are urged to raise their kids nowadays: every moment structured, every activity Enriching. In the unlikely event I end up involved in raising kids (probably as Mother₂ in some strange relationship; that's really the only way I can see them part of my life barring some major technology jumps), I said, I wouldn't make them read. And I wouldn't tell them they should read 'important' books. I'd just... let them read what they wanted, and set an example on and off. And if they asked for recommendations, I'd give them from the point of view of a pleasure reader, not someone Looking to Teach Them A Lesson.

She called me just because she hadn't talked with me in a bit, and this response was one of the things we talked about - she was very proud when she read that, because she felt like it's a justification of the way she and my father raised me, which was pretty much just like that. I read because, well, my parents read a lot, and never tried force me to read Great Books. I've read some, but I read them at my own pace.

And then she told me something else on the general subject. She'd talked with Jennie, one half of a married pair of old friends of mine. They have two kids and my mother's sort of, I dunno, a spare half-grandmother to them sometimes. Jennie told my mother that she'd put their older son in SPARKLE, a summer enrichment program they have ties to (J & J met there, as teacher and volunteer teacher), but weren't making him go for the second session of it.

"Why?" my mother asked.

"Because we want him to learn to be bored."

That is... to have free time, to learn to make his own fun. To find ways to amuse himself without someone telling him what to do. There's always something fun to fool around with, if you can find it. Even just going out in the yard and watching the clouds.

My mother thought this was pretty wise, and I have to agree.

Something to remember if I ever do have children in my life.

Comments

[doodlesthegreat.livejournal.com]

My parents did much the same thing. They read to me as a kid, encouraged me to read, but never told me I had to read from any set list or drop a book because it was "bad" for me.

So by the time I got to kindergarten, I was already reading 3rd grade level material, and I kept up on it.

[queenofstripes.livejournal.com]

Awesome! This sounds a lot like my own relatively permission childhood. As soon as my mom figured out I was happy to learn on my own, she just sat back and let me. The only time she ever made a parental ultimatum to force me to join a structured activity was the high school marching band, and that's just because she was afraid I wasn't socializing enough -- and she was absolutely right...

[maui.livejournal.com]

Your mother's a wise woman. :)

[maui.livejournal.com]

*facepalm* How do I manage to do that? Jennie is a wise woman, was my point, but that doesn't discount your mother's wisdom. Or anyone who realizes that it's important for children to be able to amuse themselves in unstructured time.

[chirik.livejournal.com]

I hear all the pushes for structured activity for children nowadays - everything must be educational, can't have any free time, everything must be safe as could be ...

I think it's all just a crock. Kids won't learn to think and live if everything is done for them.

I expect to be a second mother to children some day (I'm in a MFM triad currently) as I do want children, and I hope I can do a good job, considering all the push I see nowadays to follow the mindless program.

[kinkyturtle.livejournal.com]

You're in a Mephit Furmeet triad?

BTW, I completely agree, Peggy! And what's worse than being told to read this book or that is... having to do BOOK REPORTS. *shudder*. What quicker way to turn reading into an unpleasant chore? I always HATED having to write book reports. I never knew what the hell to write, other than, "If you want to find out what this book is about, read it yourself!"

[koogrr.livejournal.com]

I liked when book reports finally became verbal, then I'd just off-the-cuff it. Unfortunately... sometimes they asked me to repeat it because it was good. Then the memory thing kicked in...

[dustmeat.livejournal.com]

What I find really arrogant is the well-meaning adults who try to push The Classics onto kids, since modern authors are apparently unwashed troglodytes. So as an adult I picked up 'Treasure Island' to see what I was missing so badly and I was bored. As an ADULT. The pacing was slow, the words out of date, and the characters scarcely believable. How are we expected to get kids to like reading if these books are shoved at them?

(disclaimer: not all classics are dull but good Lord, most are SLOW)

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

*nod* The Classics are slow going for the most part. If you can read them with the knowlege that writing styles were different back then they're better, but it's still.. not easy.

[electricgecko.livejournal.com]

I think I was unusual amongst my friends in that I didn't start reading (more than things like stop and exit signs, anyway) until I was in kindergarten or first grade - everyone else I knew was seemingly reading complete sentences by age 3 or 4. My problem wasn't lack of intelligence, but rather lack of caring - I just didn't give a damn about reading, because I couldn't find much that I really cared about reading.

What finally got me to learn to read and write was, ironically, secret codes. I wanted to start using secret codes the second I learned what they were, and was dismayed that I couldn't do so until I could read and write regular words. So I started learning then.

I also didn't do a lot of reading between learning to read, and fifth or sixth grade. Here and there, yes, a few dorky childrens' books, but I disliked most of them because they were so watered-down and pointless. I only really began reading when I could manage adult literature: in 6th grade I did a book report (shudder) on The Client when someone else in my class did a book report on a Goose Bumps title. (I got an A+ and she got a B-.)

I'm really glad my parents never tried to force me to read when I was between the ages of 6 and 10 - all those manufactured babysitting, slumber party, and there's-a-boy-who-likes-me-but-he-has-cooties novels probably would have turned me off to books permanently. :P

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

Yeah - that's what the article I referred to was about. Kidlit being either watered-down, or having A Lesson To Teach.

I started with Little Golden Books, but soon went on to "whatever I can get my hands on". I dipped into stuff far beyond what anyone would perscribe for my age because it was lying out after one parent or another finished it. There was stuff 'for kids' in my library, too, but most were things I find still hold up as a moderately interesting read, even now.

[cobaltie.livejournal.com]

I can kinda indentify with the general philosophy. I was homeschooled during much of my earlier years, so I had to figure a lot of things out for myself. And make up ways to pass the time.
As far as reading went, I usually snuck out to the local public library and read whatever I wanted...which often turned out to be Science Fiction on fairly adult levels.

My parents, however, never actually taught me how to read. Somewhere along the line I taught myself, from whatever was around. According to my parents, some of that were Human Anatomy books from my mom's old nurse's library.

I also missed out on most of the 'Classics', except for reading them later for interest.