names and reflex

[egypturnash]

My mother discovered something this weekend. When she's shocked at me, she calls me by my old name.

She was on the phone with me and mentioned she was curious about what I'd been doing lately, artistically, so I pointed her to my in-progress web portfolio. I could tell from what she was saying she saw that her oldish browser was failing to pick up on any of the CSS, and it was falling back the way it was supposed to - which made me happy. She went down the list, wondering if 'Everything Merges With The Night" was a ghost, if "Fernblossom" was any relation to "Complicity" (since I ripped the composition off pretty blatantly), if "Numbers Station" was a self-portrait, and then she came to "Myself Am Hell".

"Aaah! That's horrible, Paul!"

The image got visceral horror and revulsion from her, which kinda made me happy - that's what it's supposed to evoke; she picked up that all the wounds on Sosael are probably self-inflicted.

And she consciously noted that, while she's doing well at calling me "Peggy" for the most part, when she's pissed or shocked at me, it's "Paul".

Later on in the conversation, though, when it turned to touch upon what transition-related surgery I may or may not be planning, and my intent to do more with my testicles than just throw them away, she managed to catch herself and say "Peggy". Or at least "Pau— Peggy!". The thought of having my balls in a jar disgusted her; the thought of them dangling from my rear-view mirror repulsed her even more, and making them into a matched pair of necklaces for myself and that special someone was somewhere into the zone of absurdity.

(Obviously, my relationship with my mother is not a terribly formal one.)

Admittedly, wanting to keep them after may be a bit morbid and gothy. But I don't want to forget that I was born male and made this strange and difficult change. Maybe when it's been decades, maybe when society's changed to the point where it's something as accepted as fixing any other birth defect is.

Also, I have realized that in my dreams, when I have gender, it's pretty consistently female nowadays.

Comments

[esche.livejournal.com]

All I can think of is like... the way my mother used to yell my full name at me when I was Really In Trouble... o_O

Well...

[unciaa.livejournal.com]

At least you have an indicator. My name is what I'm always called, so when someone yells it it's pretty hard to determine if the perceived sternness is from the strain of having to shout for me to hear or from me messing something up. :3

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

*nod* Mine never did that, but... Maybe she just doesn't expect her new daughter to be as cheerfully nasty as her son was on occasion.

[sardonicus.livejournal.com]

Go with one of the classic ones, and maybe essentially laminate them? I seem to remember a number of monks in China successfully being preserved in this fashion for centuries....

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah. Any sort of display outside a jar of preservational fluid would probably involve lamination. A stinky piece of decaying flesh is not romantic unless you're a zombie.

[sardonicus.livejournal.com]

Just remember to use pure alcohol when choosing preservative fluids, otherwise we won't be able to clone you later. At least, that is what I remember being the main difficulty behind the thylacine cloning project that has been going on Australia for several years now.

You could always have them cast in bronze, if you could find someone to do it.

[mattlazycat.livejournal.com]

Wouldn't they look like little brains? :D

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure. I've never seen naked unwrapped testicles yet!

At some point in the next few years, there will probably be a photograph of naked unwrapped testicles posted in this LJ. Life is so educational!

[doodlesthegreat.livejournal.com]

The ultimate statement: Imbed them in clear plastic to make ben-wa balls for your personal use.

[rainwing.livejournal.com]

I thought someone'd suggested this by now, but..

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

You are a vile, filthy woman.

<3

[draca-serpens.livejournal.com]

That's the first thing I thought of, too. ;)

[koogrr.livejournal.com]

Read and Enjoyed by my brain slipped clutch and I can't think of anyting to say except noted.

*LAFF*

[lgraf.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the laughs! Muchly needed today.

About what to do with the extra parts...I'm so glad I wasn't eating at the time, I'd have choked from laughing. And I also like your reasons for keeping them.

And using names...heh, as a mother of two teenagers I do the same thing. If they're not in that much trouble, just their name said in a stern tone. More than that, it's full name and they instantly stop in their tracks. The other day Dean really messed with me and I used his full name. The kids looked at each other, then at him, grins on their faces. Donovan: Oooo, you messed up, Dad!

--L.

a Peggy by any other name

[holohedron.livejournal.com]

Hee. I'm male, but dropping my "Paul" for religious reasons -- or rather, lack thereof. Saul "the game is to be sold, not to be told" of Tarsus is not someone I want as a namesake. :P

But I don't want to forget that I was born male and made this strange and difficult change. Maybe when it's been decades, maybe when society's changed to the point where it's something as accepted as fixing any other birth defect is.

Amen to that.

Re: a Peggy by any other name

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

*nod* I smirked when e-mail revealed what your given first name is. Oh, geeze, another Paul, I was one of three Pauls in my class at one point in elementary school.

I got the name from being named after both of my grandfathers; my middle name is that of my other dad's dad. It's wholly unreligious reasons for me.

[dv-girl.livejournal.com]

Get them bronzed like baby booties!

Or make a penis and scrotum clear plastic morraca and dry them and put them inside as the rattle. ;)

[momentrabbit.livejournal.com]

I second this motion. All in favour? :D

[queenofstripes.livejournal.com]

Let's start a collection! ^_^

[dv-girl.livejournal.com]

Now there's what to do! Put them in acrylic reisin! Get enough people to do it and you could maybe start some sort of wild collector fad and use them to play marbles or something.

[kiala.livejournal.com]

Personally, I want to keep mine attached.. but I want the boobs, too..

This is the problem with being a third gender..

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

I'm doing pretty good with getting the boobs without getting rid of the balls yet. But I seem to be atypical.

Mostly, I want to get rid of the balls because they make tight girly jeans uncomfortable. They fit wonderfully around my hips, but tucking the nuts away is just a hassle...

[kiala.livejournal.com]

*giggle* this is very true.

Oh, on a side note.. I finally saw where this icon is from, and am debating an animation spoof >=D

[dv-girl.livejournal.com]

They should shrink dow to the size of jellybeans and not be such a problem after about a year.

"The Land of Race Car Ya-Yas" by Cake

[kinkyturtle.livejournal.com]

The land of race car ya-yas.
The land where you can't change lanes.
The land where large ffffffffuzzy dice still hang proudly like testicles from rear-view mirrawrs.