a little victory

[egypturnash]

Well, I won the Yerf trading post. The description should be up. I may regret it, but I'm having everyone draw Twin. I've grumbled about 'me, except she's a charismatic predator, with wilder costuming than I dare iRL' before, now I'm putting my mind where my mouth is!

It may well be the longest description ever put on the Trading Post. I can't just say "Twin is a cross between these two animals, a little on the pudgy side" to describe (her); (she)'s a unique beast with a unique and complicated-to-describe patterning. Well, kind of a generic Peggy monstergrrl in shape, but pretty unique compared to most things that people represent facets of themselves as. And there's the problems and issues that being a black hole brings up, and a hint of the ambience of Puzzlebox, and something about (her) personality, and links to reference sketches!

I could have said more about (her), too. I did edit it as much as I could.

I already had my little celebration-of-victory when I got up and looked at the voting, really; once I saw that it was at twice the vote of the #2, I got the lift of victory. By the time the poll ended I was just waiting to send off the desc. It kinda felt hollow, because I'd seen everything wrong with the image I won with by then. I'm such a harsh critic of my work nowadays.

There's a few people around the Yerf forums who seem to be borderline xenos. It'll be interesting to see who among the TP regulars tackles Twin, and who comes out of the woodwork for (her). I also halfway anticipate an 'is this furry enough for Yerf?' argument to break out in the recents forum or in anti_yerf if anyone puts their images up on the gallery proper.

---

Mom called today; caught up a little. She told me she'd talked to Jennie and Jason separately, recently. I'd come out about the transition to Jason when home for Christmas; I'd intended to out myself to him and Jennie (they're married, with two kids and a vasectomy), but by the time I got up my nerve Jennie had fallen asleep. Turns out he told her the next day.

And he was a little weirded by it at first, and so was she, but they're both cool with it now: I'm an old friend, and I definitely seem to be a lot happier with myself now, and that's what matters. I keep nervously waiting for someone to be utterly alienated by my transition, and I keep on being pleasantly disappointed that everyone is happy for my greatly improved self-worth. At this rate, I'm going to pick up some more freelance at Spümcø, come out there just as one of the more loudly homophobic regulars drops by, and he'll have a moment of shock, then complete celebratory acceptance. It's really weird. Such a big, scary, important, transgressive thing, and everyone's happy for me.

I'm told that Jennie thought I was a lot calmer than I used to be, too.

Comments

[esche.livejournal.com]

I was going to say, in your 'coming-out' post, that I always thought you were female. I wasn't feeling very eloquent at the time, though. I do tend to think that most female characters online are really men behind the keyboard, but every now and then someone comes off as so believably female that I'm absolutely certain they are in real life. And you were one of the 'every now and then' ones.

Honestly, I think I'm more surprised to find out that I was somewhat wrong in thinking you to be female rather than 'in transition', than I was to find out that you are indeed... a gender-identity-twisting sort of girl. I'm glad to know you're comfortable enough with that to be able to tell people, and it makes me feel happy for you that you've got a close bunch of friends who are so supportive.

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

*nod* This is one of those reactions I've always been pleasantly surprised to get. Even before I came out to myself. In text, I give off a lot more 'female' cues than 'male' ones, enough so that even the most jaded, longtime muckers tend to read me as female-iRL.

Hell, a while back, I was in a bad mood and told a trollish anonymous commenter to suck my dick... and they went off on a tangent on that, saying there's no way they could see me as a shemale, I'm too damn female. I got a few pleasant laughs out of that exchange!

[esche.livejournal.com]

P-shaw. I tell people to suck my dick all the time! I think it has more impact coming from a girl. Or something. :D

[kinkyturtle.livejournal.com]

"I keep nervously waiting for someone to be utterly alienated by my transition"

Ah, what the hell, just for fun:

I'm utterly alienated by your transition. Um, you sick bastard you. Um... I'm squicking! Like, ewww!

Sorry, I'm not very good at this utter alienation thing. :}

Heh, yeah, I was about to do that too...

[wolfwings.livejournal.com]

...just so Peggy could stop being so damn anxious to get that first 'Squick' over with. =^.^=

Hopefully it'll never actually happen except in jest though. :-)

[dv-girl.livejournal.com]

Alien Nation.... Mmm. Now you got me imagining Peggy with a bald speckled head. *LUST*

Darnit! See what you've done?

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

While you're at it, can you flame me for writing the VCL Sieve? I braced for flames over that, and they never came, either. Thanks! n.n

[kinkyturtle.livejournal.com]

Sure! How dare you write the VCL Sieve, whatever that is! You sick bastard, you! Um... the world was such a wonderful place until that thar VCL Sieve thingy came along!

I think that's for a very simple reason.

[wolfwings.livejournal.com]

It's not directly linked to from all over the site, and not even obviously linked in that I can tell. So those that would bitch most about it, are likely coinciding with the group that aren't brainy enough to explore the site and find it in the first place.

[unciaa.livejournal.com]

Woo, congratulations on winning! Should be most interesting to see what people come up with. :)


Happy to hear your family is dealing with the situation so well, makes a pleasant change from the usual drama that is furry. *g*

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

Yeah. When it's all done next Friday I'll probably post a link in baroquevertigo. It's only tangential, that's more for logs and the occasional meditation upon how thinking like these characters is changing me.

I was talking about friends dealing, in this case. So far the only family member who knows is my mother. She's been pretty amazingly supportive of it! I haven't come out to any of my relatives, and, honestly, I don't care if I ever do. I'll do it eventually, or maybe never; I only see them twice a year, but my mother has to see them regularly, and she'd rather avoid my grandmother telling me how she raised me wrong.

But my friends - my voluntary family - are all very supportive. It's a delightful change from what the histories of other transsexuals had prepared me for!

[altonwings.livejournal.com]

It must be rather heartening for people to appreciate, understand, and support you through this.

[jenwolf.livejournal.com]

Since you chose Twin for the next trading post, are you going to pick another character for the Secret Santa trading post, or just have someone draw Twin again? [yeah, I've never participated in the TP, but I may have to be dragged out of the woodwork for this one]

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

The former. I need to decide what's amusing... Something weirdish.

[jenwolf.livejournal.com]

How about your snake character Kalinda? There hasn't been a good reptile character in the TP lately.

[kinkyturtle.livejournal.com]

Heehee, I'm reminded of a cartoon I drew once depicting Santa as a snake. How else to explain how he gets down so many chimneys so easily in one night?

[paka.livejournal.com]

Such a big, scary, important, transgressive thing, and everyone's happy for me.

In my case, I feel change is inevitable, feel that gender identity is a lot more complex thing than simply how you're born physically, and you're my friend. I like seeing friends become happier, tackle big issues without being too miserable, and last but not least, do anything that really really pisses off religious right types.

[esche.livejournal.com]

anything that really really pisses off religious right types.

Isn't that what friends are for?

I usually bash L.A. to high heaven, but...

[theolive.livejournal.com]

...I wonder if it's a good thing that you're in the Greater Los Angeles Area, as far as people's being so cool with it, etc(although your married friends were back home, weren't they? I'm pretty fed up with L.A. on many levels, but sometimes it occurs to me that living in a far-flung area might not turn out to be quite as 'cool" as here, to put it mildly. I probably take the tolerance here for granted-I have so little to compare it to.

It certainly is wonderful that your pals are so happy & supportive. You must attract good people. : )

Re: I usually bash L.A. to high heaven, but...

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the married friends are back in New Orleans. Which is... a weird place, both very conservative and very liberal at once. They've both known me for a good while, they're both geeky, they both sort of expect weirdness from me. Though this is a couple of months after I cam eout to them. It seems to take that long for it to really sink in, for people who knew me as a boy for years.

I'm glad to be a happy story of transition so far, to counteract all the horrible struggles I've heard.