Fuck.

Flash 6 is extra sluggish on my machine.

Flash 6 has been lying to me about what it does under certain circumstances. Thus, I must spend a precious damn hour re-doing lip synch already done and eaten by Flash 6.

Because of the 'simpler, more intuitive' interface of Flash 6, lip synch is extra tedious nowadays. At least two extra clicks per mouth change. Or the alternative method of copy-dragging frames with the right symbol pre-selected, but dragging frames on the timeline invariably rainbow-beachballs for a second or two, for even slower flow.

I have been becoming a more calm, accepting, easygoing person lately. But using Flash still has this near-magical capability to make my frustration levels rise rapidly and scarily. Throwing things, screaming, and otherwise acting like a frustrated neotenous chimpanzee no longer has the attraction or tension release value it once did (see? calmer and more easygoing), but I must still vent or transform this tension into something besides back and jaw muscles tightening up...

...hidden use for OSX's 'Exposé' feature: Choose a desktop image that has personal significance and evokes tranquility, love, happiness, hope, calm, or a combination of those emotions. The more the better. When Flash becomes unbearable, press 'F11', or whatever you've reconfigured to be 'reveal desktop'. Let a moment of that full-screen image (obscured only by icons here and there that need cleaning up sometime soon) help take you to a better world where Flash couldn't be further from your mind. Happy siiiigh. Repeat as necessary.

I actually know people who say they love Flash. I just don't get it. I mean, I get BDSM in theory, even though it's mostly not my scene, but loving Flash can't be an expression of masochism... it's mental pain, not endorphin-rush physical pain, it's frustration, because things go wrong for no obvious rhyme or reason, leaving you a paranoid bundle of nerves wondering what will go wrong and how next... maybe these folks are just frustration junkies.

I want this damn Flash fad to fade soon. I need to find a better way to pay bills while hopefully remaining somewhere in the animation circuit with the occasional chance at jumping up a notch. I need a Flash developer voodoo doll for stress release.

teaching

I had an interesting experience just now. I got to truly understand the joy there is in teaching. Puzzling out the drama that tabriscoonz' latest picture accidentally generated, I saw someone praising her work and Illustrator-handling, which got a self-effacing reply that referenced the fact that (I think) my stuff is part of why she got into the program, and that I've given her advice when she's asked for it.

Dunno how much she might consider myself an explicit student of mine or anything like that. She's mostly picked it up on her own, I've given her directions, offered technique when she asked for some, tried to give useful answers to "that effect is so cool, how did you DO it?". Loose, disconnected, on and off mentoring, not any formal teacher/student relationship. Explaining how and why I work, but trying to never say "this is the one true way".

An informal student of mine, sort of, is off on her own path. Sue, I think you've pretty much drifted from apprentice to journeywoman with regards to AI, you're finding your own match between its strengths as a tool and yours as an artist. One of these days you'll be boggled to hear me ask you how you did some technical effect. Sure, you don't know all the uses of the tool. Neither do I. Just don't sit back on your ass and stop experimenting and learning now that I've waved my Vector Goddess of Furry Art hand (a dubious title at best, and one I apply to myself sarcastically) and said you're good. 'Cause somewhere after journeyman comes mastery. And there's probably something after that too but it doesn't have any formal title. I dunno if I'm a master of my artistic idiom or not; it's not something you can tell from the inside. I'm somewhere past 'doesn't suck'. It's only five years since the first piece I did in AI. Far longer since I started drawing, of course. Mastering one tool is not the same as a whole craft.

And it feels really good to tell someone they're no longer a student but a younger colleague, that you're not sure there's anything you have left to formally teach them about this arcane knowledge you've filled up on and shared. Swap tips, yeah, but the fundamentals are passed on, it's all artistic decisions now.

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I was going to say some stuff about teaching in general here, but my thoughts aren't quite organized on that, and I need to get away from the computer for a bit before spending all night on Flash. Again. (Tangent on that: I know part of why some past co-workers hate me now. The constant ire Flash produces in me because it just doesn't work with my brain in some deep way makes me a very unpleasant person to be around when the purpose of being together is to wrestle Flash. And I don't want to stick around the place of pain afterwards to interact on other subjects, I just want to vanish home... so they never know anything but a dark cloud beaming hate and stress at a monitor.)