You were, a little. You were the start, but obviously there's a lot of other old stuff I was looking at last night. Every time you open a vein of angst I worry, you know. And feel useless because I can't do what I feel might actually work, due to distance.
And yeah, I think Rik and I both have a reflex defense of "hide", and a lot of built up loathing/shame/perfectionism. I've been trying to ditch a lot of it, and it's not easy.
(Tangentially, you might be interested in the discussion we had in the last couple bits of e-mail about the possible roots of our kinks. there's also a big chunk of narrative in the latest from me that will either make you jealous or delighted, depending on your mood, and I feel kinda guilty that you and I don't have a weird thread like that going on at the moment... as I was going to sleep after writing this entry, I toyed with ideas for a little fantasy to post mostly for you, but it didn't gel enough to fend off Tired! <3< )
no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 03:24 pm (UTC)And yeah, I think Rik and I both have a reflex defense of "hide", and a lot of built up loathing/shame/perfectionism. I've been trying to ditch a lot of it, and it's not easy.
(Tangentially, you might be interested in the discussion we had in the last couple bits of e-mail about the possible roots of our kinks. there's also a big chunk of narrative in the latest from me that will either make you jealous or delighted, depending on your mood, and I feel kinda guilty that you and I don't have a weird thread like that going on at the moment... as I was going to sleep after writing this entry, I toyed with ideas for a little fantasy to post mostly for you, but it didn't gel enough to fend off Tired! <3< )