quick transition-related thought
Jul. 19th, 2004 03:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
egypturnashToday, I was reading a book that happened to have some MtFs in the background (persistently referring to them only as transvestites, though I know that the setting contains TGs as well as TSs), then later was looking at some trans-related websites and something about the various terms used to refer to MtFs* popped up in the back of my head: For a while I was referring to myself as a "dickgirl". Now I think of myself as a "woman". I guess it's the slow change of deeper levels of self-image at work.
I mean, I still don't feel like I'm not going to go stealth and completely obliviate all trace of a male past; I'm going to continue to have a (wholly theoretical at this point) policy of being sure that anyone I become intimate with knows about it - but even if I never decide to have genital surgery**, I seem to now think of myself as female in every way that matters.
I'm not sure when it happened. These things sneak up on you. Sometime in the past few months. Maybe this is why visiting Grandma was so awkward for me, with the pretense of being male, and why I haven't had any out-in-public moments of ohshitohshitohshit I don't pass at all people must be staring lately, why I had so little worry about using the women's room at the airport on my trip back from New Orleans.
Enough gender stuff; I really should be doing some art.
*The current term of choice, if you need to distinguish someone like me from someone born body-and-mind female, seems to be "transwoman". It hasn't been too demonized yet. And "transman" for an FtM - I think I've had previous discussions on the lack of any (un)amusingly lewd terms for FtMs. As always, do try to consult your local shemale girlthing's preferences before bestowing a term upon 'em, and if you're told you're guessing wrong, don't make a big deal about it.
**I waver back and forth. At the moment my funds make it an academic decision anyway. I don't have the 'ugh penis get it off now' level of genital dysphoria that some MtFs do, but it looks more and more extraneous in the mirror sometimes.
I mean, I still don't feel like I'm not going to go stealth and completely obliviate all trace of a male past; I'm going to continue to have a (wholly theoretical at this point) policy of being sure that anyone I become intimate with knows about it - but even if I never decide to have genital surgery**, I seem to now think of myself as female in every way that matters.
I'm not sure when it happened. These things sneak up on you. Sometime in the past few months. Maybe this is why visiting Grandma was so awkward for me, with the pretense of being male, and why I haven't had any out-in-public moments of ohshitohshitohshit I don't pass at all people must be staring lately, why I had so little worry about using the women's room at the airport on my trip back from New Orleans.
Enough gender stuff; I really should be doing some art.
*The current term of choice, if you need to distinguish someone like me from someone born body-and-mind female, seems to be "transwoman". It hasn't been too demonized yet. And "transman" for an FtM - I think I've had previous discussions on the lack of any (un)amusingly lewd terms for FtMs. As always, do try to consult your local shemale girlthing's preferences before bestowing a term upon 'em, and if you're told you're guessing wrong, don't make a big deal about it.
**I waver back and forth. At the moment my funds make it an academic decision anyway. I don't have the 'ugh penis get it off now' level of genital dysphoria that some MtFs do, but it looks more and more extraneous in the mirror sometimes.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-19 04:56 pm (UTC)It's just ... so annoying and in the way. I've never felt I 'must lose it now' but in my case, I have long felt it's just a nuisance. Surgery is the one aspect of transitioning which really, truly, doesn't scare me at all - while I don't need to rush into that step, I also don't have any particular desire to keep it.
Oddly enough... I'm not a transexual...
Date: 2004-07-19 06:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-20 06:28 am (UTC)I get those constantly. I don't want to be female, though, and if there's any sensible M2N option around, I haven't been able to find it.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-23 08:09 pm (UTC)