by the way
Dec. 6th, 2003 05:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
egypturnashFor the people calling or e-mailing or commenting or whatnot with your concern - thanks. A lot.
I'm mostly okay. Obviously not entirely okay or I wouldn't be doing "I just ripped my heart out of my own chest" angst art and meaning it. Half the point of doing that drawing was to get some of that feeling out of my skull where I could push it into absurdity and maybe laugh a little - humor has always been one of my defenses. It sorta helped. It still hurts, what I had to do last night, but it had to be done, maybe should have been done a long time ago.
I'll say what it was eventually, but not right now, I can't bear putting it in so many words in public right now. Rumor mill's probably already going.
Lots of things going on right now with me. It's hard to keep on top of it all, but I'm managing so far... I have to. Mostly it's the one major thing and everything else is a side effect or a spin-off, I think. And it's a big one with tendrils reaching into everything I am and do and ever will be. I'm probably gonna be a little crazy for a while yet, I think.
Nothing worth doing is easy. The monkey hates change. We are what we decide to be.
I need to remember this. I keep on telling myself it's all worth it to finally be myself.
I'm mostly okay. Obviously not entirely okay or I wouldn't be doing "I just ripped my heart out of my own chest" angst art and meaning it. Half the point of doing that drawing was to get some of that feeling out of my skull where I could push it into absurdity and maybe laugh a little - humor has always been one of my defenses. It sorta helped. It still hurts, what I had to do last night, but it had to be done, maybe should have been done a long time ago.
I'll say what it was eventually, but not right now, I can't bear putting it in so many words in public right now. Rumor mill's probably already going.
Lots of things going on right now with me. It's hard to keep on top of it all, but I'm managing so far... I have to. Mostly it's the one major thing and everything else is a side effect or a spin-off, I think. And it's a big one with tendrils reaching into everything I am and do and ever will be. I'm probably gonna be a little crazy for a while yet, I think.
Nothing worth doing is easy. The monkey hates change. We are what we decide to be.
I need to remember this. I keep on telling myself it's all worth it to finally be myself.