an end

[egypturnash]

Letting go is never easy. Pushing away is harder. Sometimes it hurts a lot more than you expect it to. I ripped something out of myself last night. Am I gonna be better, or worse, with this behind me? I don't know. I'm no prophet. I'm just trying to become myself instead of a faint shadow.

Rebuilding yourself from first principles is seriously scary and painful and I don't recommend doing it unless you absolutely have to. I'm probably not done with being a vortex of hurt, either.

Were this a paper diary you were browsing through, there would be tearstains on this page. And a big chunk of text markered over, or just half a page torn out.

Comments

[protocat.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure what to exactly say. I remember having to remove someone who became very much part of who I am. And it was one of the most difficult and painful things I ever had to do... and I don't think I've ever been quite the same since then, like a part of me simply died. I later tried to work on that part of myse;f again, but I'm not quite sure if I've succeeded at all.

The only thing I got out of my situation that could be considered advice for you isn't exactly helpful or at all anything you likely haven't thought of.. but, really you need to take it slowly and try to pick yourself up. Sometimes it helps to 'fake it until you make it' as they say in rehab/AA and the like. Just put up an 'okay' front like a bandaid when you need to and push yourself into it until you really do enjoy yourself. I know some would say it's unhealthy to put up a front, but sometimes you really do need to, just as sometimes you gotta let it down. That's what I've found, anyway.

[auryanne.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to pretend to be okay once in a while. Whatever it is that's hurting you, I hope you're feeling back to yourself soon.

[fourprint.livejournal.com]

I hope it turns out to be the liberating sort of letting-go for you. *hug*

[delcan.livejournal.com]

I'm horrible with helping in this sort of situation, even just with words.

But... I really hope that you can weather it and stand up again soon. The pain never lasts forever, and you can be happy again, even if it seems like it's impossible now.

[lapdragon.livejournal.com]

*soft hugs*

[wolfwings.livejournal.com]

Simply... good luck, Peggy.

[hydra-velsen.livejournal.com]

Well. I have no idea what this is about, but condolences nonetheless.

[ghostangel.livejournal.com]

*hugs* :/ I don't know you very well, but I know that feeling